Hello, children, this is your mother speaking...
I want to talk to you today about that which is dearest to my heart-my relationship with my Heavenly Father. The family I grew up in was always church going - but my relationship with 'the church', I realize now, many years later, was not a healthy one. In saying that I am not talking about the people. There have been many wonderful church going people in my life. I am talking about the beliefs held by the religion I grew up in. Beliefs that left me feeling a load of guilt for not ever being able to measure up to so called 'Christian Standards'. Beliefs that left me feeling so not ok with who I was. These beliefs did not bring me to God - instead they left me feeling God could never love me because I was so...so...evil. And that is not who God is, my dearest children.
I did not want my children to grow up with this guilt that I carried around. So I admit I was not the best at keeping all of you 'in the church'. I look around me now and wonder if I failed. But my intention was that if you were going to find God, you would find Him on your own terms - not on my terms. And certainly not on the church's terms. Perhaps that was a mistake. But perhaps not.
Who is God to me? Well, the night my own father died, when I was fifteen years old, I prayed to Him. I asked Him to come into my life, and He did. In those years after dad died, I had no one to go to with my questions and concerns - so I went to Him. And He was always there. He never turned His back on me, not once.
Life with Him, though, has not always been easy. There were times in my life when I hated Him, when I stopped believing in Him, when I chose to angrily go my own way. There were times when I believed I knew better than Him, times when there was no way I was going to allow Him to run my life!
I can tell you now, children, with certainty in my heart, and 53 years of life experience behind me. I need Him. And that might sound weak to you. So be it. But we were not meant to live our lives away from God, who created us. And every single time I tried, my life came up empty. So who is He to me? Let me tell you who He's not, first. He's not 'religion'. He's not racism. He's not about ostracizing people who are different. He's not hatred. He's not unforgiving. He's certainly not ethnic cleansing.
Who, then? Who is He, to me, your mother? He is love. Love in all it's most wonderful forms. I know He exists, as clearly as I know I exist and you exist. I know He loves me, even more than I love you, which is fiercely. He is personal. Not some unknown being in the sky who doesn't care. I speak to Him just as I speak to you. And probably as often, too! He is acceptance. No matter where we have been or what we have done, He loves and accepts us for who we are right now. He is peace. He promises a peace that transcends human understanding. I know His peace in my life today. He wants the best for me...and for you. He has a divine plan for my life...and for yours, if you are willing to allow Him to bring it to pass. But He won't ever force that plan on anyone. That's the one thing He gave to us from the very start - free choice.
I know I can count on Him for all things. I know He saved me from myself during my 'dark night'. I am here, now, 'in the light' because of Him. I am pursuing Reiki and I am dedicated to helping those who've once been where I have been - because of Him. He is ALL I need. I love Him. And I trust Him! I trust Him to lead me where I am meant to go. I trust Him to open doors that need to be opened. I know you most probably won't understand these ideas. But I hope that one day, you will.
I'm not asking you, my children, to feel the same. My heart's longing is that you will, each of you, find Him in the way that is most meaningful for you. I realize that you might not believe the way I do, maybe not ever! But I want you to know, from my heart of hearts, how I feel about this mystical, mysterious, marvelous God who created me.......and created you.
He is the only parent I have been able to go to in.........well.........forever. And that leads me to my next topic.....
With love,
Your mother
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