This is your mother speaking. For quite awhile now I have wanted to write to you, to tell you about who I really am. I don't think you know, honestly. In fact, not many people know. I have lived most of my life invisibly, so it does not come easy for me to share who I am with anyone, not even you, who are dearest to my heart. Or perhaps I should say especially not you, because you are so close to my heart.
I've always longed for you three to really know me, because I never got to really know my mother before she died. I wish now I could have known her. What were her hopes? Her dreams? What did she long for? Was she happy in the life she and dad chose, a life that included ten children? Sometimes I ask myself, how could she be? But I will never know the answer to that question, at least not in this life...
Even though I think I am not known, I want to be known. I want you to know my heart of hearts. And the first thing I want you to know is that I am happy in my life.
When my mother died, one thing I remember is how my older siblings all called her 'poor mom' and said what a hard life she had had. I've never forgotten that. Was she 'poor mom?' Was she that unhappy in her life? I might never know, but I want you to know......I am happy in my life. It's not been an easy life, no, far from it. I've not lived the high life. My marriage didn't last till 'death do us part'. I've struggled with my health, as you well know. But I have come so, so far. And even though I had to go through a 'dark night 'of the soul', I'm on the other side now. I'm in the light again!
So be happy for me, my darling children. And don't worry that I'm sad. Don't worry that I'm alone. I am glad to say that inside me, there is joy and gratitude. God has been good to me, which brings me to my next post..........stay tuned......
With much love,
Your devoted mother
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