Kindergarten Baby...

How I cried, that first day of kindergarten!  I remember it too well, grabbing on to my mothers dress and sobbing into her.  How difficult it must have been for her.  And it didn't get any better, either.  In fact, I cried so many mornings they decided I wasn't ready for kindergarten at all, and took me out.  But that didn't stop my crying.  I cried Every Single Day of the school year up until grade four.  Not just crying...sobbing till I lost my breath...and/ or threw up.  I remember one of my brothers, who walked me to school, getting so angry with me because I wouldn't stop crying.  He must have hated having to take me...

I'm not quite sure what the difference grade four made, but suddenly I loved school.  Miss Harvey, my teacher, might have made the difference.  Or the fact that I finally received the eyeglasses I needed to see!  But everything turned around then, much to the relief of my mom and, probably, the rest of my family...

My mother must have been beside herself, honestly.  I remember you, J and E, having trouble as well.  It was so not easy to leave you there, crying.  I would stand outside the door and cry myself.   But eventually you did settle in, and way before grade four, too.

Back when I was little, there was no access to school counsellors - I don't even know if the position existed - but I'm pretty sure I needed one.  No child should have to be so frightened for so many years to leave her mothers side.  Knowing all I know now, I understand more about the why. But I still feel sad for that little girl, who didn't get what she needed back then...

I was, though, a pretty needy child, all around.  Highly sensitive is the name they give to us now.  There are even books about Highly Sensitive people!   We now know so much more than when I was young!  I think this is a great time to be living, for so many reasons...

Just some thoughts for today... :)

Love you,

Mom

Trying to 'change it up' a bit...

Hello Kids,

I've decided to come at this with a different slant.  Talk more to you about day to day, what I'm thinking, or something similar.  I realized that an awful LOT of my childhood memories are not happy ones, and I don't want to depress you!  So, as I think of the good ones, I'll share them, and I'll share other things, as well....AND try to leave the 'preachy' behind.  You'll be happy about that, I'm sure! :)

I've been thinking about my parents quite a bit, lately.  I realized the other day they had been married 32 years when Dad died.  That's a pretty long time.  And, they seemed happily married.  As I look back, knowing what I know now, I could say their love was pretty dysfunctional.  But, who am I to say that, after all?  They seemed happy and quite content with how they loved one another.  Nobody told them they were 'doing it wrong'.  They did it the best way they knew how, and that way was totally ok for them.

The older I get, the less I understand, honestly.  There was a time (when I was still really, really angry) when I scoffed at their love, thinking "I'll never love like that!".  But nowadays, with my being a little older and wiser, maybe, I realize we are ALL dysfunctional in one way or another.  Who am I to judge how they loved?  To them, they loved well.....and now I see that that was a blessing in itself...

I miss my parents.  I can truly say that and mean it, now.  I wish they were here.  I wish you could have known them.  As I get older I'm beginning to realize the importance of family, and making the effort to keep in touch.  For me, it's always been a big effort.  But nowadays I'm thinking, maybe it IS worth it...?

Love you,

Mama

Well, my children...

Here I am again.  Back for another try.  I've been gone from the blog a long time, as you might have noticed :)  I guess I began to be worried I didn't have enough to say.  Couldn't remember stories, and that made me a bit sad, I guess.

But, I'm here for another try.  Bear with me, as I warm up again...and I'll think of what I can about my young life..the good things, at least.  My writing might take a bit of a turn, who knows?  I'm here, but I don't have a firm plan in mind as yet.  I just wanted to return, because in the end I want to leave this for you all, something to share with you, and also to leave with you, after I'm gone.  Not that I plan to go anywhere, but you know what I mean.  We don't live forever on this earth...

I love you all...

Mom